“Hey!" he shouted. "This is my fucking Lake of Death. I have complete and utter exclusive rights to sailing this lake. Get the fuck off my lake!”
Jeff Noon, Pollen
Galgon Triumverate has wild tales to tell, of the famed Frigatus festival this weekend. In which Reds and Blues alike cast aside their allegiances and engage in mighty combat for the glory of all!
On the approach of this august occasion many pilots did engage in the cleansing act of Frigate Free-for-All’ing in which they prepared their clones for the sacred combats that were to herald the holy sacrament of Frigatus! Galgon himself did engage in these preparatory rituals and, as has been recounted before, was not bereft of the sacred Kill Mails (which, as is known, he cherishes above all else!)
Aye! And on the dawning of Frigatus, Galgon did betake himself to his carefully prepared Bantam Mark 1 Field Repair Vehicle hangar and admire with satisfaction the shining might of their Cap Stability… passing quickly over the tissue-thin quality of his tank – for who needs Tank when there are Logi Bros to substitute?!
Yet from one communication channel to another did Galgon cast his [mighty] gaze, searching out the safe embrace of a fellow Logi Bro but Alas! Some [nefariously-directed] malady must have bestruck the entirety of the Logi Bro wing and it seemed to poor Galgon that he stood alone in an empty plane, bereft of the gentle succour of Cooperative Logistic Support!
But Galgon is not one to be dismayed by such perils, and did set up his own ‘Fleet Advert’ and advertised that Logi Support would be available for all that required it, such was the selfless largesse of this Titanic Capsuleer!
Now, Centronix is well known throughout the constellation and respected for his skills as both pilot and commander, and Centronix saw the advertised largesse of Galgon’s logistics support and did think to himself “I must jump at this chance to stand side-by-side with the mighty Galgon Triumverate, for chances such as these befall mortals but once in a lifetime” or something similar, no doubt!
Galgon transmitted to Centronix “Where you at... I'm hiding RHQ in Bantam atm lol” …and the skill with which Galgon Triumverate can cower within the starbase hangar is unmatched and is the envy of all sensible pilots within the constellation (although it must be said this constellation seems somewhat lacking in sensible pilots!)
Now Centronix did say unto Galgon “why dont you grab a free frig rather than a bantam? ” to which Galgon responded “Logi rocks” and Centronix was satisfied with this answer for it is True that Logi does indeed ‘rock’ and none can argue with that!
A plan was formed and Centronix brought out his mighty Condor, intending to furiously tackle our foes as generous Shield Reps were showered upon him. Setting his course to the Battlegrounds of ‘Poinen Top Belt’, Centronix charged forth and did tackle the enemy and Galgon was warping towards his FC as quickly as he could, but it seemed the capricious Gods were once again meddling in Galgon’s affairs for first they slowed the pace of his warp, and then they slowed the pace of his targeting and Galgon was unable to apply even one cycle of his Remote Shield Transporters [Tech 1] before the titan Centronix was brought low.
Then Galgon did feel like a bit of an idiot and did search his soul for an answer to this obscene failure to provide the most basic Logi support to his FC and the answer was not found wanting (for Galgon is unsuppressable) and the answer was this – Galgon did turn his back on the sacred Bantam Mark 1 Field Repair Vehicle (and was seen to spit in the direction of the proud Bantam’s lined within his starbase) and did think ‘I will betake myself to the Red POS and pilot a free Merlin’; for though it is Galgon’s destiny to be the most celebrated Logistics pilot in New Eden, it seemed that perhaps that destiny could wait just ‘a little’ longer!
Now within his mighty Merlin Mark 1 Armoured Tank did Galgon again join the titan Centronix, and time and again these mighty pilots brought low their foes [taking minimal losses, to Galgon’s recollection] and this felt Good! Centronix was indefatigable, but Galgon was finally called back to base to listen to an urgent transmission from Channel ‘RL’ and did thank Centronix for the fleet and did indulge in one [or two] sips of the victory Quafe ‘tis true!
But it was not long before Galgon blessed the sacred Frigatus festival with his immortal presence again and this time he did forego the idea of Logistics support altogether and did think to himself “Fook that for a game of soldiers, it was more fun to pew shit up” (‘scuse my ‘Gallente’) and thought he had acquitted himself admirably in the Merlin Mark 1 previously, and that he would pilot the mighty Armoured Tank once again and could almost see the merry flashes of the Kill Mail notifications before he had even left the starbase!
Now Galgon had not reckoned on facing another immortal that day (the Gods usually meddling in Galgon’s affairs in less obvious ways) but across the field of battle (Poinen Top Belt) strode the ‘Pewmaster’ Gorski Car, casting aside Red and Blue alike in his furious Berserkergang; and it was with some trepidation that Galgon did face this opponent – and rightfully so – for Gorski Car is famous far and wide for the death to which he delivers all who oppose him; and Galgon was not wrong to know doubt, for he could barely close to battle range against Gorski Car and was punished with cruel hammer blows from the ingenious Drones which Gorski did employ, and did explode amidst the starfield and be denied the sacred Kill Mail for which he had thirsted.
Now Galgon is becoming [slightly] less ignorant of Frigate duelling tactics and thought to himself that the Merlin would never be able to overcome this mighty foe and he looked far and wide (within the Red POS) for a solution to this issue and a solution was not found wanting, for soon his gaze alighted upon the Kestrel Mark 1 Light Missile Boat and he thought to himself ‘with the power of a [Tech 1] MWD, I may be able to keep range on my opponent and reign Light Missile death from afar’ and this was pleasing to Galgon; although the vexing complication of how to hold an opponent in place long enough to destroy him did cross his mind!
But Galgon is ‘all about solutions not problems’ and Galgon did think to himself ‘if I warp in at 50km and wait until another pilot is engaging Gorski, then I could whore the sacred Kill Mails and be vaunted as victor this day! And as the surging tides of battle moved back and forth, Galgon, Gorski and James Repo (yet another titanic pilot amongst the Frigatus festivities) did share the sacred Kill Mails between them and great honour was given and due that afternoon.
Then onto the battlefield strode another pilot named ‘STARAGATE’… this pilot joined the fray as any other, but it soon became clear that he forswore the might of Tech 1 Modules and had procured the obscene profanity of Tech 2 Modules (may they rot forever in hell… or at least until Galgon is sufficiently trained to employ them!)
Now STARAGATE’s Tech 2 splendour dispatched e’en the immortal Gorski (without even range-whoring!) and it looked like he would hang on the edge of the trysting ground, picking off pilots unchallenged in his Tech 2 Supremary! But this was not to be, for Gorski returned to the field undeterred and did charge furiously towards STARAGATE again – such is the courage of Gorski that he can be daunted by no man or woman! Then did Galgon turn on his Target Painter and painted STARAGATE as brightly as the Sun and Galgon did project his Light Missile barrage towards STARAGATE and Lo! It happened that even the might of Tech 2 Modules can be brought low by the combined efforts of two immortals side-by-side and this felt GOOD to Galgon Triumverate!
Then did Galgon bethink himself of the honour with which STARAGATE had faced two opponents alone and Galgon did open up the Local Communications channel and provide STARAGATE with a ‘GF’ for he had well-earned it! Galgon waited eagerly for the reciprocal ‘GF’ but instead he was answered with the bitter words ‘bit gay waiting for the easy kill’… and Galgon was wroth with anger! But sometimes rage has also been known to get the better of Galgon and cause him to make an idiot of himself in local (such as in the Otela incident that presaged Galgon’s entry into the Red Federation), so Galgon consoled himself with his cherished [6.549m ISK] kill mail and did content himself with the gentle rebuke “always nice to see a GF gracefully received”!
Now Galgon and Gorski were left facing each other over the wreck of STARAGATE’s pimped-up Frigate and it seemed right that only one victor should remain, so Gorski turned his Drones on Galgon and Galgon turned his MWD on Gorski, and the MWD won the day for Galgon was able to MWD off beyond reach and so only one victor did remain (Gorski)!
Again Galgon returned to the field and employed the range-whoring tactic one last time in his Kestrel and did again catch Gorski fighting James Repo, and when Gorski was target-painted again and attacked by two opponents, only one result was inevitable – Galgon and James were left victorious on the field of battle and Galgon did try once more to employ the might of his Tech 1 MWD but this time he had strayed too close to James Repo (who has the reflexes of the Jecal) and lethal fire flew between them and yet no quarter was given nor asked for… until first the shields of both opponents were stripped away, and still no quarter was given nor asked; and then the entirety of both pilots armour was destroyed and both were stood naked in their structure… but still no quarter was asked nor pleaded and lethal fire continued to rain between them, with Galgon urging his over-heated Light Missile Launcher to churn out barrage after barrage and for a moment it did look as if Galgon would be victorious in this thunderous contest and only one more barrage of Light Missiles would be required to defeat his brave opponent… but even still his opponent stood firm and cast fire into Galgon’s face and Galgon was thrown down and James Repo stood victorious, albeit with only 3% structure remaining and heroic indeed is James Repo for not once during the engagement did James flinch and he did most-assuredly earn the victory GF, which was returned with honour by the noble and mighty James Repo!
Yet once more that weekend did Galgon return to the field of Frigatus festivities and mightily had he enjoyed this great event! Searching the ‘Fleet Finder’ Galgon’s eye did alight upon a fleet set on ‘Suicide Ganking’ a miner within the Poinen system, and Galgon was intrigued, for he had never before engaged in the noble art of Suicide Ganking and did lust eagerly with suicidal joy for the Sacred Kill Mail which might be earned from such an act!
Now Galgon was pleased to see the Suicide Gank fleet was FC’d by the noble Centronix, whom we have had cause to mention before, and Centronix did wisely tutor us all in advance on the noble art of Ganking and did remind us to disengage our Safety Devices prior to engagement and Galgon disengaged his Safety Device with zeal, for he had not been aware his ship possessed such a device and he spurned such childish protections!
Galgon did follow the fleet to the asteroid belt with bright fire in his veins, and did – on the word of his FC – charge furiously the [innocent] Mining Barge that was the target of the Gank Squad and did Point and Web the Barge – Aye! And did employ the might of his Tech 1 Electron Blasters also, for all the good it did – barely scratching the surface of the majestic Barge. Now Galgon was almost immediately sought out by the [retarded] forces of CONCORD, who frown upon such noble acts of Gank – but Galgon was not perturbed, for this was a Suicide Gank and so Galgon kept his Mighty Tech 1 Electron Blasters aimed true until the end and did think as his POD was ejected that he was pretty good at this Suicide Ganking business… and it was true, at least, that he had no difficulty mastering the Suicide element!
Now Galgon paused a moment in his POD to admire the imminent destruction of the Gank Squad’s target and did err in this, for even the hated School of Applied Knowledge mentioned once or twice the need to WARP OFF YOUR POD IMMEDIATELY! But Galgon was distracted thinking about his future career as an Elite Suicide Ganker and all the Glory he would win bringing terror to the [innocent] Miners of New Eden!
From this pleasant reverie was Galgon soon awoken, for it seemed that the Mining Barge would not succumb to the Suicide Squad and would survive our terrible onslaught and as Galgon thought to himself that he had better WARP HIS POD OFF IMMEDIATELY he was dismayed to find himself Warp Disrupted by a hostile Battlecruiser and did cringe inwardly as he bethought himself of his cherished +3 Implants (the likes of which have never been seen before!) and his newly purchased Skill Hardwires which he had already grown mightily fond of!
Of course, no POD (not even the immortal Galgon Triumverate’s) can face down a hostile Battlecruiser victoriously, but the titanic struggle that ensued seemed almost too close to call at times and only as the final percentage of Galgon’s POD structure gave way, was the outcome ever certain!
Now Galgon did bethink to himself that he would have to drive his Slave harder, and harder still, until his [hated] Badger Mark 0.9 Hauling Appliance could re-coup the losses of the day; but Galgon did console himself with the thought that he could at least return quickly to the battlefields to finish the Frigatus festivities with honour.
But Galgon Triumverate was disabused even of this tiny comfort. For by some nefarious design, his foes had relocated his Clone to the Kamda system over 15 jumps away, and Galgon could not understand how they had achieved this, for he was sure he had gotten round to re-locating his Clone within the Otela system, unless the Gods are now messing with his very memories on top of all their other meddling?!
One final indignity must Galgon Triumverate admit that day… for amongst the noble Capsuleers of the Red Federation, there is one spoken of in whispers named Y'talana Ktra'a, who can oft times be found sifting amongst the corpses like some sadistic Ghoul... and for what debauched purposes she employs these macabre trophies – no-one who lives can attest, yet she herself was heard to have confirmed, of Galgon’s corpse, in open communication “heh, snuggle ” – such depravity can scarcely be believed!
But as Galgon did console his outraged mind with a medicinal Quafe, he did think that the Frigatus Festival had been a resounding success and did look forward to many more opportunities to fight alongside and against the noble pilots of RvB.
Be subjected to depraved graveside acts by one’s compatriots!